It was a week worthy of third world country presidential politics. All that was missing was a political kidnapping and a national bank heist.
Donald Trump went to Mexico and came back not with tourista, but with an alarming worsening of his chronic immgrant-ista (the fear and loathing of swift-footed Mexicans). In fact, tragically, he’s now even a carrier.
Hillary, on the other hand, went nowhere fast, and instead of keeping her 12-point lead over The Donald, Reuters had Trump at 39.1% and Billary at 39.7%. CNN had him at 37% and her at 42%, while RealClear Politics had them within a point of one another in several polls as of Friday.
Trump’s wife, Melania, joined the family lawsuit-filing business by filing a $150M suit against The Daily Mail and a U.S. blogger for saying that she may have been an escort AND an illegal alien back in the day.
Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto defends Donald Trump meet
Hillary’s top aide/doormat Huma Abedin, on the other side of the contest, filed for a divorce (OK, just a separation), from her perpetual pervert husband, Anthony’s Weiner, who was caught sexting with his 4-year-old next to his erection.
Donald forgot what he said to the Mexican president on his trip to the country, came back and said he and President Enrique Peña Nieto didn’t discuss who’d pay for his wall. Nieto, however, tweeted that he told Trump that Mexico would NOT pay for it.
Hillary Clinton also had a terrible memory lapse. The FBI released the Clinton investigation/interview files and in them, Hillary has more memory lapses than a Mafia don on the witness stand. She forgot 39 separate incidents, and said she depended on the judgment of her aides about which emails were classified. Which aides? Bad Judgment Abedin?
Trump released a statement wondering, “After reading these documents, I really don’t understand how she was able to get away from prosecution.”
“Morning Joe” co-host Mika Brzezinski called Trump mentally ill, instead of her usual “crazy and neurotic.”
Dumb: Trump called Brzezinski “crazy and very dumb.”
And Dumber: Ann Coulter (who sounds very crazy and dumb) said, “Trump’s immigration speech is the most magnificent speech ever given.”
And Crazier: FBI documents revealed that Hillary’s aides said she had 13 mobile devices, and that they smashed several with hammers and lost others. But Hillary doesn’t remember if she even had a flip phone, let alone an iPad or more than one phone at a time. Crazy, dumb and defiantly deceptive.
Since there’s no chance either will drop out for the good of the country, the only upside to this third world wackiness is that come January, at least one of these perpetual sideshow shysters who’ve been with us since Jesus was in swaddling Pampers will finally disappear. For a minute.
STUPID SNEAKER TRICKS
How stupid are the exceedingly rich? If you thought they couldn’t get dumber than shopping at or selling overpriced goods to Barney’s despite its racist shop-and-frisk scandal, think again.
The rich are now paying Barney’s $650 a pair for sneakers that have been pre-dirtied, frayed-laced, banged up and some even duct-taped. That must cost extra, since those seem to be sold out.
Anthony Weiner’s sext could lead to child neglect inquiry
This, even as Newsweek reported that “No one wants your used clothes.” Charities can’t get rid of the clothes you donate — and the sheer tonnage is creating an environmental hazard.
Since the uber rich want to look chic while looking homeless, they won’t buy our authentically banged up thrift-shop-donated $5 sneakers, preferring to spend $650 for ones deliberately demolished by designers. Idiots.
The pre-soiled sneaks are made by Golden Goose, an appropriate company name since “Golden Goose” is defined as “something that will continue to make someone very rich.”
Right. Dirty-shoe execs will continue to get stinking rich off the clean feet of the filthy rich.
HITTING NEW LOW
Giving new meaning to “scum of the earth, nervy bastard,” disgusting Jared Fogle, Subway pitchman-turned child pornographer-turned convict, took time out of his busy schedule serving food to fellow inmates to file a lawsuit against the parents of one of the children he was convicted of sexually exploiting! Your tax dollars at work for you!
He says it was their arguing and drinking that really damaged the little girl, not his filming her naked without her knowledge in his bathroom. What he should be worried about instead is other prisoners hearing about this. Convicts equate child molesters like Fogle with Hitler. He already had one bloody beatdown in January and, even then, no one wept for him.
I KNOW OF WHAT I SPEAK
To all of you who took to social media and email to excoriate me for criticizing Heidi Russo, the birth mother of Colin Kaepernick, who gave him up as a baby and then took to Twitter to shame him last week, read on.
“How would you know anything about being a young, destitute, single mother, you rich bitch?” you asked.
Here’s how: I too, was a young, single mother; divorced with a baby daughter, no support and less than $100 in the bank. It was tough, but who said life was easy? Being her mom was not just the greatest blessing, but the most fun imaginable.
My baby grew up to graduate cum laude from Wellesley College, was named to Crain’s “40 Under 40” and graced the July cover of Inc. magazine as the founder and CEO of Arkadium, the best of the 50 best companies to work for in the USA.
That’s what I know. I also know nothing could make me publicly shame my child, no matter what she did, and worse to do it in 140 characters on Twitter. So screw off.
LENA NEEDS TO NOT ACT LIKE A WHINY ‘GIRL’
Lena Dunham made news by whining that when she was seated next to Odell Beckham at the Met Gala, he didn’t hit on her, and just continued to scroll through his phone. She somehow assumed that he considered her a marshmallow and not up to his standards.
Cops counter-protest against Kaepernick is the real selfish act
Here’s what’s wrong with overrated celebs who spend their free time attending galas and shows where they award each other for existing: Everything.
1) She would have been just as offended if he had hit on her for not respecting her space. 2) He’s maybe rude — not for not hitting on her, but for scrolling through his phone at a formal event. And 3) She needs to stop acting like such ah, well, a “Girl.”
Aurora movie theater survivors and victims’ families who lost a suit against Cinemark theaters for the attack by lunatic James Holmes that killed 12 and injured 70 people, were ordered by the court to pay the movie chain $700,000! Impossible to believe but because the survivors lost the case against the movie theater, the court ordered victims to pony up for the giant chain’s legal fees and costs of “evidence, records, travel and other expenses.” No American citizen should ever visit these theaters again. #BoycottCinemark. #nobloodmoney.
GUNS IS THE ISSUE
A Fox News poll found that 54% of American voters feel less safe now than they did before 9/11. Maybe that’s because of Fox News’ fear mongering. The Islamists are coming! The Islamists are coming!
Meantime, in real time, as of Friday, 732 people were killed by guns in America in the first 246 days of the year, with 258 mass murders so far.
Of those 732 killed, 19 were killed by domestic terrorists and 49 killed by Orlando radical Islamic terrorist Omar Mateen. Even so, Fox responders said the U.S.-Iran deal made us less safe.
Reality: The U.S.A., the biggest gun-owning country, has 112 guns per 100 people. More guns than people. Now that’s terrifying.